Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
the liver wants what the liver wants
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
