I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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