i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
