Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
