you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
