I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
