Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
