I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
