I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
