So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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