Michael Bay diarrhea
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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