So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
