I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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