I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
