To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
