you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
