Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
