i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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