I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I supernannyed him into submission
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
