I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
