just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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