My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
