there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
