Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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