How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
