My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
