super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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