Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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