dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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