On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
