she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
