He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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