Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
