Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
