ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
