How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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