tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am spending my child support on dildos
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
