If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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