Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
