You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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