well I can't set my house on fire every night
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
