just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
