After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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