Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
