When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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