After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
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