Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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