He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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