I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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