i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
