i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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