If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
