I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
As shirtless as possible
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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