I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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