If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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