with your own penis?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
