no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
