Plan B is the new Plan A
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
