I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
